You know why you’re on this page: On the fatal side of 40, kids getting you down, work sucks big time, middle aged spread, watch TV on Friday nights whilst fretting about your pension, wear a tie every day then jeans & Jacket on the weekends, no time for yourself any more, forgotten the last time you ate in a restaurant that can’t be cleaned with a sponge & mortgage just like your mega square parents had.
You are becoming your dad.
Have you been drooling over that nice shiny guitar in the local guitar shop? Been getting all nostalgic about that endless summer when, as an idealistic 15 year old with big dreams, you started a band with your mates and you all swore you would never sell out to ‘The Man’? Maybe you actually blew that bonus on a Les Paul or a Fender Strat a couple of years back and now it sits there in the corner, the light coating of dust a daily reminder of your failed dreams, maybe you actually play it now and again but you know there is more to it, you know you could be more than this. Just owning that guitar isn’t enough, you have to OWN it. Maybe you could still get that transit van, maybe you could still give it one last shot before impending ‘dad-dom’ claims you with its come hither comfy cardigan accompanied by pipe and ill-matching slippers. A depressingly dreary tableau of cosy domesticity, stretching inexorably forward into befuddled old age, a tableau completed only by the ageing labrador snoring faithfully at your feet, the wisps of acrid pipe smoke rising from behind the periodically rustled folds of ‘The Times’ newspaper and the solemn ticking of the grandfather clock that has ominously become both the soundtrack and the portent of your ever accelerating journey toward the impending, inevitable befuddlement that awaits you. Maybe you could even fit into those jeans again….
The good news is that I can help. If you want to find out how all those tracks you loved are done, how to get those sounds, not to just copy the tunes but understand and use them as a stepping stone for your music, you really should give me a call. Also, you won’t find it too humiliating to come and see me because I’m not some spotty, monosyllabic, socially compromised 12 year old, I’m just like you! (Without the tie, kids and regular job though…and I’m working on the middle aged spread). So, to summarise the situation you find yourself in, this is your last chance to avoid becoming your dad, it’s cheaper than a sports car, safer than a superbike or an affair and there is just no way anyone can be a true ‘dad’ if they can play ‘Pretty Vacant’, ‘Sweet Home Alabama’ or ‘Whole Lotta Love’.